Marriage is?
Question: A best man's speech should be like a mini-skirt: short enough to be interesting, but long enough to cover the bare essentials.
A classified ad which read Wife Wanted received hundreds of responses, all from men saying You can have mine.
A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
A husband expects his wife to be perfect... and to understand why he's not.
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
A husband said to his wife, No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
A son asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? Father replied, I don't know son. I'm still paying for it.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A toast to the newlyweds: May your only ups and downs be between the sheets.
A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.
A woman was telling her friend, It is I who made my husband a millionaire. The friend asked, And what was he before you married him? The woman replied, A multi-millionaire.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. The husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.
Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.
As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind: aisle, altar, hymn. [I'll alter him!]
Bachelor: A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.
Confucius say man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
I was engaged myself once, to a contortionist. But she broke it off.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay full attention to what you have to say, talk in your sleep.
If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
In marriage, the bride gets a shower; but for the groom, it's curtains!
It doesn't matter how often a husband changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.
It's a give-and-take marriage. He gives and she takes.
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.
Man is incomplete until he is married. After that he is finished.
Man: Rules the roost. Woman: Rules the rooster.
Marriage is a great institution; but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is an institution in which the man loses his Bachelor's degree and the woman gets her Master's.
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo....
Marriage is grand... and divorce is about 10 grand.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Marry not a tennis player, for love means nothing to them.
Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gosh, I miss him!
My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.
She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Some mornings I wake up grouchy... and some mornings I just let her sleep.
Thanks preacher for allowing me to have 16 wives: 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse!
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong.
The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Why did the polygamist cross the aisle? To get to the other bride.
Wife says, Honey, I've had enough of worse; let's try better for a while!
Answers: Am gonna keep a close eye on my partner when we get married next year, hehehe, good ones hun
Have a star
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Very good but as a woman I have avoided marriage like the plague.
um... (come back)
You got some really good ones in here. I like them, keep them coming, even though you dont have to do that many the second time. =D
ur jokes made me marry. get it? merry
lol
LOL! I'm on the same train of thought as Ilkie.
Best not tell my fiance though, he might not appreciate it.
hahaha
very good
I've been engaged twice but don't think i'll ever marry, well not now anyway.
Great stuff , thank you (I'm three times divorced.... )
Sounds a lot like my first marriage. Now I've been happily married for almost 20 years with no end in sight for the good times. Marriage is only what you make it. You make it hard, it will be hard. Make it fun, it will be fun. There truly is nothing wrong with being in a totally commited relationship as long as both parties are on the same sheet of paper. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Uuh.. It could be with a guy. Darn... October 11th is coming
OMG, for half of that I had my mouth open in amazement of the factuality and no matter how cruel it was, it was still true!haha, good job
very good . Star.
Be Jesus, still laughing
All excellent but true
Favourite 'some mornings I wake up grouchy......'
Excellent lol
hahaha nice ones thanks
A good selection thank you.
hahahahaha
Hahahhahaaaaaa, another fine list you got me into lol.
warts an all !!!
A classified ad which read Wife Wanted received hundreds of responses, all from men saying You can have mine.
A gentleman is one who never swears at his wife while ladies are present.
A husband expects his wife to be perfect... and to understand why he's not.
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke.
A husband said to his wife, No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine.
A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy.
A perfect wife is one who helps the husband with the dishes.
A son asked his father, Daddy, how much does it cost to get married? Father replied, I don't know son. I'm still paying for it.
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
A toast to the newlyweds: May your only ups and downs be between the sheets.
A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation.
A woman was telling her friend, It is I who made my husband a millionaire. The friend asked, And what was he before you married him? The woman replied, A multi-millionaire.
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, You know, I was a fool when I married you. The husband replied, Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice.
Always talk to your wife while you're making love... if there's a phone handy.
As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind: aisle, altar, hymn. [I'll alter him!]
Bachelor: A guy who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.
Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent.
Before we got married, I caught her in my arms. Now I catch her in my pockets.
Confucius say man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink.
Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.
Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.
I had some words with my wife and she had some paragraphs with me.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.
I never knew what real happiness was until I got married... and then it was too late.
I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
I was engaged myself once, to a contortionist. But she broke it off.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
If you want your spouse to listen and pay full attention to what you have to say, talk in your sleep.
If your mother-in-law and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
In marriage, the bride gets a shower; but for the groom, it's curtains!
It doesn't matter how often a husband changes his job; he still ends up with the same boss.
It's a give-and-take marriage. He gives and she takes.
Love thy neighbor, but make sure her husband is away first.
Man is incomplete until he is married. After that he is finished.
Man: Rules the roost. Woman: Rules the rooster.
Marriage is a great institution; but who wants to live in an institution?
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
Marriage is an institution in which the man loses his Bachelor's degree and the woman gets her Master's.
Marriage is bliss. Ignorance is bliss. Ergo....
Marriage is grand... and divorce is about 10 grand.
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).
Marriage is the mourning after the knot before.
Marriage is the only sport in which the trapped animal has to buy the license.
Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one.
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.
Marry not a tennis player, for love means nothing to them.
Mistress: Something between a mister and a mattress.
My darling wife was always glum. I drowned her in a cask of rum, and so made sure that she would stay, in better spirits night and day.
My wife ran off with my best friend last week. Gosh, I miss him!
My wife submits and I obey; she always lets me have her way.
My wife's cooking is so bad that we pray after we eat.
She offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night he was on her and off her.
Shotgun wedding: A case of wife or death.
Some mornings I wake up grouchy... and some mornings I just let her sleep.
Thanks preacher for allowing me to have 16 wives: 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better, 4 worse!
The honeymoon is over when the husband calls home to say he'll be late for dinner and the answering machine says it is in the microwave.
The only thing that holds a marriage together is the husband bein' big enough to keep his mouth shut, to step back and see where his wife is wrong.
The three stages of sex in marriage: tri-weekly; try-weekly; try-weakly
They say that when a man holds a woman's hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage it is self-defense.
When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.
Why did the polygamist cross the aisle? To get to the other bride.
Wife says, Honey, I've had enough of worse; let's try better for a while!
Answers: Am gonna keep a close eye on my partner when we get married next year, hehehe, good ones hun
Have a star
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Very good but as a woman I have avoided marriage like the plague.
um... (come back)
You got some really good ones in here. I like them, keep them coming, even though you dont have to do that many the second time. =D
ur jokes made me marry. get it? merry
lol
LOL! I'm on the same train of thought as Ilkie.
Best not tell my fiance though, he might not appreciate it.
hahaha
very good
I've been engaged twice but don't think i'll ever marry, well not now anyway.
Great stuff , thank you (I'm three times divorced.... )
Sounds a lot like my first marriage. Now I've been happily married for almost 20 years with no end in sight for the good times. Marriage is only what you make it. You make it hard, it will be hard. Make it fun, it will be fun. There truly is nothing wrong with being in a totally commited relationship as long as both parties are on the same sheet of paper. I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Uuh.. It could be with a guy. Darn... October 11th is coming
OMG, for half of that I had my mouth open in amazement of the factuality and no matter how cruel it was, it was still true!haha, good job
very good . Star.
Be Jesus, still laughing
All excellent but true
Favourite 'some mornings I wake up grouchy......'
Excellent lol
hahaha nice ones thanks
A good selection thank you.
hahahahaha
Hahahhahaaaaaa, another fine list you got me into lol.
warts an all !!!
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